I graduate in exactly five months from today. That's an insane thought because I feel like I just got to college yesterday...but that's another blog for another day. However, I do want to share something quickly that relates to the subject I've been thinking about lately. When we are making big decisions, waiting on an answer to prayer, or looking at the days ahead, do we truly trust God?
Now, I am not usually a "blog my devotions" type of person, and I am really still learning what I want my blog to look like; but I feel like someone needs this one for whatever reason. In this last few days, I have been reading from the Bible YouVersion app, and it has been so good for me thus far. I absolutely love that I can pick from almost any topic and there is a devotional/bible readings to go with it. I can highlight things I like, take notes, and save things I like for later. Anyways, today I was reading a devotional based off of the book of Hosea, all about how he was trusting God in the midst of despair, and loving relentlessly when it didn't make sense. Here's a little piece of what it says, for context:
"Trusting God is actually more difficult than we might like to admit. We’ll heartily agree with God on what needs to get done, but we’ll rarely ask how He wants to use us. Many people trust God only as far as He validates their own plans and dreams.
You might have some ideas about where you’ll serve and how your ministry might look. But if God leads you someplace outside of your plan, it might feel like a bait-and-switch. One of the greatest postures you can develop as an emerging leader is to trust in the midst of seemingly confusing circumstances. Cultivate the discipline of trust and an understanding of your passion will follow."
Talk about stepping on my toes.... So often, I'll ask God what His plan is for me, but I don't want to follow Him where He leads me. I want to stay comfortable. I want to give Him options of what I want, and ask Him to choose one. With finding a graduate school and a job for post-graduaition, I will say things like
- "God, which school do I go to, here's my choices..." or
- "Okay, use me how You want...but if I have to do this, I can't do it." or
- "I want you to deepen my relationship with You, but I don't want to suffer in any way."
But yet, if you'd ask me, I would say that I say I trust Him completely. How ridiculous is that? I only want what MY dreams are, MY plans, what feels good to ME. I have a comfort zone, and I want to stay in it ultimately.
{News Flash: Following Jesus is not usually, "comfortable"}
The devotional ends by ends by saying "Which do you find yourself expressing more often to God: your need for clarity ('What do I do?') Or your expression of trust ('I will follow You.')"
I don't know how everyone would answer this, but my guess is if you're anything like me, you'd say the former. I want to become someone that truly wants to be taken deeper with the Lord. I want to come boldly to Him asking Him to not only show me, but to be ready to actually go where He leads. And sometimes I may not know what that looks like until I step out, TRUSTING Him. Some of the best parts of my life have come from jumping with two feet, trusting God. Why is it that He proves Himself faithful, yet each time I act like I know me better than He does?
If God asked you to give up the most important thing in your life to follow Him so that He may use you, would you do it? I can tell you right now, I wouldn't do it. I would ask for a way out, another option. But the thing is, Jesus did not ask for another option when He died such a painful death, a sacrifice so that we may LIVE. He trusted God.
I want to trust God that way. I want to trade in my need to be comfortable.
"And further and further, my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Then You crash over me, and I've lost control but I'm free
I'm going under, I'm in over my head."
~In Over My Head, Bethel~
